In re: Request for Good News

Hmm... I generally only ever have news that ranges from Not Bad to Mildly Exciting. Not necessarily good. Here are the Mildly Not Bad Things that happened to me this week:

1. Two other new people at New Job are lawyers, so I'm not the only loser who can't get a job. And one actually practiced for several years before realizing that small firms pay nothing and are run by cranky old trolls who just want to suck the business dry while working their one associate to death, whereas at the government you can make more and work less. So that is somewhat affirming of my choice. Not Bad.

2. As of Monday I am eligible for matching contributions to my 401(k) like plan at work, which means I'll be getting about $2500 for free this year. Mildly Exciting.

3. I don't think I failed my second exam, unlike my first exam, which I undoubtedly did fail, due to the fact that it was harder than the bar exam (I swear to god it was) and I didn't even have time to finish it. Bad. But the second one was pretty easy. Not Bad.

4. We're getting a 3.15% cost of living increase, which inches my new paycheck ever closer to the realm of acceptability. Mildly Exciting.

5. I went for my laser eye surgery consultation and my corneas are mercifully of the appropriate thickness, so one month from now I should be freed from the tyranny and oppression of Acuvue. Mildly Exciting.

6. We got out of work early for snow on Thursday. This almost never happens in the frozen tundra of the northeast. Of course by turning us away from work, they were sending us out to face certain death on the icy, unplowed streets full of cranky nutjobs trying to get home one car length faster than you, however many innocent lives they have to take to realize that dream. But still. Not Bad.

7. My last exam is on Monday, and then there's no hateful school for almost a month. Not Bad.

Classy

So we were in a casino and trying to locate a cheapy table to play at and all of a sudden someone totally slammed into me. Like, omigod we've been hit!, torpedo-force kapow! "Hey!" I exclaimed, less than delighted. I saw a smallish woman had stopped a few paces away. She wheeled around. She was so totally a prostitute. Not like a Julia Roberts in fishnets whore, but you can tell. She stalked back over to where we were standing. "Excuse ME" she said, sarcastically. "Thank you," I replied sweetly, inching away from the knife I assume was in her boot.

Later, I left Boyfriend playing blackjack so I could shove money down the vast, bottomless pit of the video roulette machine, thus supporting the local economy in order to provide local people with jobs that do not involve carrying knives in their boots with which to threaten tourists. Apparently while I was gone some hooker tried to pick him up. He took a while to catch on, so he was talking to her. After he realized what she was up to, he decided to ask her what she did. She said she worked at McDonald's. He asked what she did there. She said she was a fry cook. He said she didn't look like a fry cook, and she was like "Baby, I'm the fastest fry in the West."