NKOTB!!!

Omg, guess what I just got tickets for! 1st row balcony baby! Because I care enough to go, but not enough to cough up the money to get out of the nosebleed section. And thusly, I have fulfilled every one of my 5th grade dreams that did not involve a pony.

Also exams are mercifully over and I do not wish to think, speak, or write about them until grades come out and I find out whether or not my evil sadist partnership professor has crushed my dream of clerking for the Tax Court. Today's exclusive focus is older dreams.

Now go ye forth, dying with jealousy.

Stalker?

Sometimes I like to check the blog of my BFF from college who I rarely talk to anymore, just to make sure she's still alive. I guess I was not particularly concerned for a spell there, because she took her blog down (because someone was stealing from it - for what purpose? I can't imagine) back in January. January of 2007. Oops.

Now instead of emailing her - too obvious - I googled things I thought she might write about. My third try was "Jane & Joe" - her high school friend & conjoined boyfriend, and she popped right up. Then I read a few posts to confirm. It's true what they say: she is still alive.

But here's the thing: I know she has other people we both know who read it, because they post things there. But I feel kind of stalkerish, because she writes things she kind of hides from me. Like she became a vegetarian in college and I already was one and still am, but I know she's not because she eats steak in her blog now. But when I see her she doesn't eat meat. And I want to be like dude, stop living a lie, but then I don't know if I'm not supposed to read her innermost thoughts or whatever.

Are you all still out there? What do you think?

Ew, Loser

To the guy in the Tax LLM Program who taunted the other student today that he has a “killer outline” and replied that he “has his sources” when asked where he got it:

You sir, are a dick. The laws of decency require that after telling people about your “killer outline” you offer to share it with them. It makes me sick to sit in class with you, you pompous ass. I certainly hope that the gaps in your outline coincide precisely with the areas tested on the exam. It is also my sincere wish that, tonight, having drunk too much green beer, you go home with a slutty undergrad from whom you contract the herpes. Harsh? Sure, but you and people like you are the reason I had a miserable three years in law school to begin with.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who’s Going to Get a Better Grade Than You Anyway

P.S. Happy St. Patrick’s Day!!!!!!!

(Obviously this is from a few days ago - but you probably can't read my dates anyway, seeing as how they're in Russian. Heheh. My inner Russian major geek continues to thrive, years out. I'm even making borscht for dinner tonight - pure coincidence.)

Good Job, Brain

This afternoon they were cleaning my work bathroom, so I had to go to the sketchy bathroom down the hall that's open to the public, and while I was washing my hands, something in one of the stalls started making this clicking noise, and of course my completely normal reaction was OMG IT'S A DEMON! And then I was like, ok, no, calm down, demon's don't exist, it's probably just a murderer, like in Scream. And that is the point when I freaked out and exited the bathroom without drying my hands. Because that's a totally reasonable adult thought process to have at work in the afternoon, thank you, brain. Although, in my defense, the bathroom does resemble the one in Saw in several of it's key design elements (dim, flickering lights, general dankness, etc.)

ADD & NYR

Oh lord. I've been trying to study since 10am Saturday and I just can't do it. I did spend a good long time yesterday though looking up the symptoms of Adult ADD and deciding I have it and that it's therefore not my fault that I spent all that time wasting time instead of just studying the tax aspects of Bankruptcy.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Can't most people sit in an empty room and read 100 pages of the most boring fine print ever committed to paper without getting distracted? No? Well then WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO???? It's just not fair. And I know I brought this on myself by going back to school, but it's not like I had a choice - I'm trying to get a JOB here, it's not like I'm doing this for the pure joy of education. Or because of my apparent fondness for Overwhelming Indebtedness.

Dammit. This was New Year's Resolution #5 - do my reading at some point BEFORE the weekend before finals.

In other belated NYR news, #4 was to get renter's insurance, which has not gotten done, but I at least got a quote.

#3 was to stop spending money, which is going great except for the $10k I just dropped on school and the $4k on a stupid medical expense - both of which make it seem stupid to deprive myself of a $3 latte. I don't even really buy $3 lattes. I mostly buy a cup of tea and two pieces of toast from the office cafeteria, for a grand total of $1.20. What's so wrong with that???

#2 was to go to the gym, which turned out to be easy, because I go in the middle of the day to escape from work, and I would go ALL DAY if I could rather than work - excellent strategy, I must say. My knees and elbows have been hurting though, so I'm clearly doing something wrong. Although it's less painful than the persistant soul ache I get from being in the office.

#1 is my perennial favorite - floss. I was doing moderately well with that until I ran out of floss last week. I have no plans to buy more floss, so that's the end of that until some drops out of the sky. Oh well. I have an understanding with my hygenist anyway - she asks if I floss, I say no, she looks shocked, and life goes on.

Classy

So we were in a casino and trying to locate a cheapy table to play at and all of a sudden someone totally slammed into me. Like, omigod we've been hit!, torpedo-force kapow! "Hey!" I exclaimed, less than delighted. I saw a smallish woman had stopped a few paces away. She wheeled around. She was so totally a prostitute. Not like a Julia Roberts in fishnets whore, but you can tell. She stalked back over to where we were standing. "Excuse ME" she said, sarcastically. "Thank you," I replied sweetly, inching away from the knife I assume was in her boot.

Later, I left Boyfriend playing blackjack so I could shove money down the vast, bottomless pit of the video roulette machine, thus supporting the local economy in order to provide local people with jobs that do not involve carrying knives in their boots with which to threaten tourists. Apparently while I was gone some hooker tried to pick him up. He took a while to catch on, so he was talking to her. After he realized what she was up to, he decided to ask her what she did. She said she worked at McDonald's. He asked what she did there. She said she was a fry cook. He said she didn't look like a fry cook, and she was like "Baby, I'm the fastest fry in the West."

The Price Is Right

Yeah, I stayed home "sick" mainly to watch the new Price Is Right with Drew Carey that premiered yesterday, which I Tivo'd, as well as the new episode today. What are you gonna do about it?

I also wanted 2 extra hours of sleep. And I put my inner whiny do-gooder back to sleep by promising to study for pretty much the whole day (after TPIR is over, obviously.) We'll see how that goes.

The host change seems ok. DC is a better choice than that guy from Saved By The Bell and whoever all else they were considering. The host can't be someone with an obtrusive personality or who wants to be famous too badly. I'm ok with this. Although I think they rigged all the games because everyone won their individual prize and two people got the dollar on their spins. And the little trashy sorority girl won a trailer. Heh.

I love the old people commercials. They make me think of my Estate Planning class.

As a bonus, now that I've established a fake illness, I can try to get out of work a couple hours early tomorrow to go shmooze people at this school career thing that's at 3 tomorrow, after I drag myself in like a hero.

Everlasting Anxiety

I had an awful dream last night that they were going to reject my LLM application because they found out I petitioned the Academic Standards Committee to take some of my exams late while I was in law school. So I was in such a bad mood all morning. They had better hurry up and accept me.

Less than a week till I start the new job. Eek! I need to find a new hair place asap and get my roots done so I'm not like That New Girl With The Awful Dye Job, as though there will be more than one new girl. Actually I suck with names, so I'll be the one doling out stupid names, like Lady I Don't Know But I Think She Wore A Pink Shirt On The First Day And I Wish People Weren't Allowed To Change Their Clothes Or Move Around Too Much Until You've Got To Know Their Names Or They Should At Least All Wear Name Tags and they'll still be standing there looking at me like "I wonder if the new girl is maybe autistic or something because I said hi to her ten minutes ago and she's just staring at me like she's thinking really hard for no reason, but DAMN she's got fine hair."

I'm looking forward to reclaiming my Life Outside Of Work (or, you know...watching more CSI) since I won't be able to work overtime at the new job. I've been doing the ten hours a day six days a week thing for the last six months. And, mind you, STILL making less than I could have made straight out of college! Stellar! I can't wait to reclaim my weekends though.

Things I Do When I'm Not Working

To escape from having to work on the house (and I mean sawing, lifting, nailing, sweating - not vacuuming, dusting, and other normal house activities) I decided back in October to take up some scheduled activities. I started playing my horn again in a community orchestra, I started taking Spanish classes, and during tax seasons I prepare returns for poor people (who, frankly, all make more than I do, which tends to dampen my warm fuzzy community service feeling.)

That was all great while I was unemployed, or worse still, when I was trying to be a real estate agent and did less than nothing all day. But now that I slave away for eight and a half hours a day, nearly half of which are pre-dawn, or might as well be, I've been kind of resenting having to come home and then leave again right away almost every day.

I know the alternative would be hauling boards and bags of trash up and down the stairs - clearly much more horrible - but I only know that in a vague theoretical way. My brain insists that if I quit band, I would get to come home from work, put on a sweatsuit, eat bonbons, and watch trashy tv.

Actually, now that I think of it, that's essentially what my job is like, except we can only watch tv on breaks and at lunch. (Today at lunch, for instance, we watched a "news" story captioned "Surpise...porn!") People seriously come in to work every day looking like they're wearing their pjs (or worse) and god knows we all consume our own weight in communal candy every week. It's your basic ideal situation.

Maybe what I actually want is to be at work all the time. Yes, that's right, I want to live at work. At work, I get free candy, subsidized meals that I don't have to cook myself, and endless supply of trashy gossip in the form of people's nasty-divorce-filled tax returns, free heat & hot water, someone else to clean the bathrooms, high security, and no responsibilities beyond the basic moral code, and even that is flexible. I don't even have a phone or internet access, so I'm completely unreachable to creditors, family, and the rest of the worst of humanity while I'm there. Plus after 8 hours you're on overtime, so I'd be raking in the cash.

Sick dream, non?