Crap!

Agh! Why! I got up at 6:30! I set out what I needed to take the night before! I knew exactly where I was going because I worked there for five months! I left 45 minutes ahead to make a less than 2 mile trip! And I got lost! And I was almost 10 min late! Argh!!! Damn you City of Boston for changing your streets around twice a freaking week!!!

So I pretty much screwed myself out of that job :(

Dammit!!!

I haven't heard back from the other job either, so I guess I'm not qualified to earn $15/hour. Maybe, if I'm really lucky and I take my law degree off my resume, I can get a job at Target. I know McDonald's is the stereotypical worst thing you could do, but I'll be damned if I'm working with grease. The bottom of my employment barrel, therefore, is Target. They're increasing the minimum wage here to $8/hour soon too, so at least I'll be making that much. I could probably get overtime too.

On A More Personal Note

I've had other things going on besides the interviews that I've neglected to post about. Until now.

I put Project Inoperable Brain Tumor into action yesterday with an email to my temp agency, which, in all its worthless glory, has declined to write back yet. If I don't hear anything, I'm talking to my supervisor here on Friday. Although now I'm getting cold feet about quitting. I'm worried it will destroy my temp karma.

Last week I decided that I want to learn Spanish. I was vacillating for a while between Spanish and Portuguese (which is pretty big in Boston), but I think I'd get more use out of Spanish. Plus I think we all know Spanish to some degree already. Just from living in my sketchy neighborhood, I can already say some basic, useful things like "El caballo es muerto - necesito agua!," "Espero que los tiburones te coman.," and "No tengo mucho dinero." And why, you ask, do I want to learn Spanish? Because temping is So Freaking Boring! I have to find something to do that stimulates my brain in some way. I've got to make the decision by the end of next week - I think the registration deadline for the classes I want to take is the 9th.

I also decided I want to find an orchestra to play in (see: temping is boring, supra.) It's been 5 years since I played with other people (or, frankly, at all) and I really miss it. So I looked for groups that practice near where we're moving (soon - please god soon!!) and decided to email one that looked decent. The conductor wrote back the same day to say they happened to have an opening in the horn section & could I come to the next practice. Yay! So I am very excited about that. My first rehearsal is tonight. I've been practicing for the last two days, and I totally suck, and I still can't play for more than 20 minutes at a time, but I'm sure I could be decent again in a month or so.

There's more, but I'm not sure I want to post about it yet. Maybe I will next week when I'm all drugged up. I got a thick wad of prescriptions in the mail for the dentist thing, including antibiotics, rinse, 20 vicodin, and 4 ambien. Mmm...drugilicious. Just add ice cream and you've got delicious, nutritious Coma Floats!

Hi Ho Interviews!

I told my mother what the real estate job paid and she was like "Oh, is it a non-profit?" Why no, no it is not. I haven't heard back from them yet, but I think the guy said something about Friday.

Friday is also the day I have my in-person interview with the Tax Man. I'm so excited! I know I should be scared to death and practicing my monologue in the mirror and stuff but meh...if I can't sound interested in my dream job god help me. It's at 8 freaking 30 in the morning though. That's my own fault for asking for something as early or late as possible. I only hope my 8:30 person doesn't have to come in special for me. I also hope they're too tired to ask hard questions, like "why did you go to law school?" and "why do you want to be a lawyer?" You know...the ones that make you burst into tears while sobbing "I don't know! It was all a horrible mistake!!" Or maybe that's just me.

I'm meeting with two people for half an hour each, neither of which is the guy from the phone interview, although he is picking me up in the lobby. I was afraid they were going to make me talk to like 5 people at once, since I suck at that (but really, doesn't everybody?), but that doesn't seem to be the case. I was reading about their hiring procedures on the HR website, so this is definitely the second, big deal interview. They're supposed to have it down to 2-3 people for this round. Eee! God I so wish I didn't suck at interviews!

Can anybody translate this into something work appropriate?: "Omigod! This is, like, my total dream job! Working here would be so totally awesome! Please please pretty please pick me!"

The Gory Details

My interview lasted all of 10 minutes. Apparently they are interviewing 15 people this week and they want to do second round interviews next week (which might have been less annoying if this were an on-campus interview and I were still in school and I hadn't had to leave work an hour early to get there.) The guy seemed nice, but he kept saying the work was "fun" so he may also be a compulsive liar. He said I was "ahead of the game" because of where I went to school, so that seemed pretty positive.

And then, he said what they would pay me. Can you guess? I was going to make you guess, but there's no way you ever would. It's $15/hour. Is that not insane??? He said it would only be until I learned enough to do closings by myself because I'd be basically worthless to them until then, and that that should take 6 months to a year. But, dude, that sucks!

Omigod! I just got an email right this second from the Department of Revenue, which is like, my total dream job, and they want to interview me too! Mmm... government tax.... And it pays $22.75 to start. Sheeoot, I've gotta email all those people I forced myself to network with and see what I should say. Yay!

Feeling Slightly Sick, For A Variety Of Reasons

We went away for the weekend to NYC on Thursday & Friday and a wedding on Saturday. If ever there was a place to make you feel old and decrepit, it's New York. In Boston, on those rare occasions we go out, you get kicked out of the bar at like 1:30 and you're like "Woo! Yea! I closed down the bar! I'm a total rockstar!" Not so in the big city. We managed to stay out until 3 both nights, but it totally killed us. I'm deathly tired and my skin looks like craaaap. Ugh. At least I managed not to totally embarass myself in front of my friends by drinking twice as much as usual (meaning 4 drinks instead of 2) before becoming severely intoxicated.

That's not to say that I didn't embarass myself at all. We were walking home one night with Boyfriend's ex-girlfriend (from high school) and we passed the Cravath offices and I got all excited. I was like "Omigod! It's 4am on a Saturday night and if we went inside we'd find people WORKING in there!"

In other news, I had a total Bridget Jones moment this morning, due in part to my experiment in sleep-deprivation I'm sure, wherein I managed to apply black eyeshadow to my cheeks in lieu of blush. They're next to each other in the compact - I'm not just totally stupid - so it was like half and half on the brush. I encourage you all to try it for a valuable lesson on what you'd look like as a heroin addict.

My interview is at 5pm today. Everybody cross your fingers for me!

This Is What They Pay Me For, Right?

Yesterday on the radio, they bleeped out something the dj said. He ranted about how stupid it was that it should be censored, but obviously couldn’t say what exactly it was. Of course I then became obsessed with knowing what he said. The clues he gave were that you wouldn’t blink if you hear a child say it in school, it was a word his grandfather might have used, like “wisenheimer,” and it ended in “bag.” He was also kind enough to note that you can freely say “douche bag” on the radio as often as you find it to be necessary, thus eliminating my first thought. It took me a whole day of searching, but I have finally conquered the internet and discovered the truth.

Did you all know that “scumbag” is a dirty word? I always thought it was rather a politer way to refer to someone who was actually a total a*hole or an evil f*. But apparently it was once, briefly, a vulgar reference to a condom. And clearly, condoms are something evil that must never be discussed. I was even more shocked to find out the innocuous-seeming little word recently got in trouble for appearing in a NY Times crossword puzzle.

Who knew?

This post brought to you by My Law School Education, which instilled in me the ability to tirelessly research all things utterly unimportant.

Owie Ow Ow

I've had a lovely migraine for three days now. I only have 5 pills left and no refills until October 8th. I'm contemplating having my doctor see me as an emergency. I need her to make my stupid insurance company let me have more pills at a time. I would also like a nice IV full of ergotamine.

My printer won't let me print because it is out of Cyan. I do not want to print with Cyan. I want to print in black & white, and I believe I made my intentions quite clear. My printer is being a bitch. My printer is about to go flying out the window. I need it to print the temporary registration for my car. I just know I'm going to get pulled over and get some kind of $100 ticket. Die printer! Die!

Ugggh I feel like such crap. I don't want to go to stupid awful work! I get so motion sick when I have a headache that even my own driving makes me feel worse. Stupid body! You just wait until they develop some kind of robot body that a human brain can live in! I'll be out of you so f*ing fast!

Dammit

I think I need to break up with Boyfriend, but it would be so hard to disentangle our lives that I don't know if I can do it. Aside from the obvious emotional issues, there's all this financial crap. I've been living with him for a year and a half, so we have a lot of shared stuff. I bought tickets for some trips we are supposed to go on in the next two months and put them on my credit card and haven't gotten his half of the cash yet. But the worst part is that we "bought" the house together and that's a total mess.

What actually happened, in that technical legal sense, is that HE bought a house and I have stupidly been contributing money to it. So I'm not on the deed or the mortgage or anything. I'm not sure how that happened. I was so busy at school and his father was being really pushy and he has savings and I have debt and he has a job and I have none and all of a sudden he had a house and I had nothing.

We have a contract that I wrote that is probably void for vagueness or unenforceable as against public policy or a violation of the 13th Amendment or something that we never even signed. It was supposed to say that I paid 1% and he paid 19% and we're splitting the mortgage/taxes/insurance, and if we break up I can get back whatever my contribution was adjusted for any increase or decrease in the value of the house.

The big problem is that right now the house is gutted. We've been having problems for a long time, so at one point a few months ago I was yelling at him to give me my money back so I could move out and he was like "I don't owe you anything because the house is worthless right now." Which I suppose is technically what the contract says. So I've been thinking I would try to stick it out until the house if finished and then try to get my money back, perhaps trying to get him to sit down and sign the contract along the way without it seeming like I'm about to break up with him. But it would really be better if I could just get out now.

The other thing is his father is kind of a jerk, and I'm SURE he would push Boyfriend to fight me in court to relive his own brutal divorce where he got totally creamed. And Boyfriend still has savings and I still have nothing, so he could get a good lawyer and I'd be down at legal aid trying to convince them that yes, I am below the poverty line even though I have a law degree and by the way do they happen to have any staff positions open?

So on top of being unemployed and not knowing whether I passed the awful bar exam, I'm in this great position where I either have to stay in a miserable relationship or take an almost $10,000 loss.

Yay!!!!!

Untitled

Omigod guess what! I got an interview! Yay!

I've been writing a bunch of different cover letters lately in an attempt to convince people that my one true love is immigration/family law/civil litigation, etc. I went to write a real estate one yesterday morning and halfway through I was like god...this is really a stretch. I learned how to amortize a mortgage by hand in my Corporate Finance class. I once looked through a commercial lease for threatening language. I had some clients that had recently bought property to develop once. And the court I worked at mostly did property tax stuff. But I was like meh...what the hell, I'll throw that all together and bake at 350 for two hours and see what comes out. And apparently it came out crispy & convincing, because I sent it to this place at like 11 and they emailed to set up an interview at 1 =)

It's not until Monday the 25th too, so I have plenty of time to figure out why I really want to do real estate closings for the entire rest of my life. Something besides the "low pay" they advertise... Hmm... tricky... Anyone? Anyone?

Also, what's everyone's favorite "Do you have any questions for me?" question? I usually ask how they ended up doing whatever they're doing and variations on that theme. I also like to discuss the weather, the Red Sox, and, if they went to my school, the elevators. They usually like to ask me about Russia and rock climbing. My "Interests" section is very popular. I apparently share many interests with middle-aged men.

They Gave Me An Artificial Heart!

Ok so the synthesized consensus is cut and run by saying they tried to do experimental surgery on me. I'm glad no one felt the need to lecture me on responsibility for compeleting one's tasks or whatever. That has never been my forte.

Today I am going to talk to temp boss about whether I am coming back next week. And early, so that if she grants me merciful freedom, I can harass those lazy deadbeats at the agency into finding me another job for which I am pitifully overqualified. A job which I will screen more thoroughly before I accept it. And if I am coming back next week, she needs to understand that it's only until Thursday at 4pm, because I decided weeks ago that this is the weekend I'm going to NYC to see my stupid friend that I totally hate, and also go to a wedding, where I will cry like a baby even though I barely know the people involved. This is a recent, disturbing development, which I feel makes it look to other guests as though perhaps I used to sleep with the groom.

Also today they are having ice cream at 4 to celebrate something or other. Hooray for ice cream! If they don't let me bill for that, I'm quitting on the spot. Right after I finish my ice cream of course. Socializing with the staff is totally job-related.

Sounding Like A Moron 101

I almost quit my temp job yesterday. They made me do my least favorite thing in the world, which is to say they gave me a list of people to call, some vague instructions about what to ask them, and then disappeared back down to hell in a cloud of sulfurous smoke. I don't like talking to strangers, I don't like talking to strangers on the phone, and I particularly don't like being set up to sound like a total f*ing moron no matter what I say to a stranger on the phone. It went something like this:

2:45pm - Call 1
Me: I need to find out which monitors work with an XTA1000.
Them: That's the reverse way. We can't look it up that way.
Me: Are you sure?
Them: Yes. /click/

3:10 pm - Call 2
Me: Hi, I need to know what kind of mouse works with an RGA400?
Them: Do you want a 198p3ehr a 1p34u;ajf or a p3984hf?
Me: Um, what?
Them: /angrily/ What kind of moron are you! Stop wasting my time! Call back when you get a clue! /click/

3:30pm - Call 3
Them: Hello? How may I direct your call?
Me: /panicking/ Direct my call? Umm.... I wasn't told that my call would need to be directed! /hyperventilating/ /click/

And I didn't finish yesterday because I spent the last hour of the day hiding in the bathroom trying not to cry, so I have to do it again this morning.

Exacerbating the whole thing was the fact that I asked my agency to find out how long the assignment is supposed to last, and they said it was "open ended" because they "think" they "might" be looking for someone to hire full time. Considering that I can't pay my bills with what they're paying me, I would like a more definite time frame than that. Like, say, that it ends tomorrow. Or actually, I'd like it to end next Thursday at 4, which is when I have to get on a train to go away for the weekend.

Any good ideas for how to get out of a temp job without pissing off the agency so they never find me work again? I was thinking, I'm having that dental surgery thing at the beginning of October. I could stretch the truth a little and say I'm having "surgery" that I don't want to discuss and that I need a week off to recover so they should probably just go ahead and replace me at the end of September (or, like, tomorrow.) Then I could get something through another agency for a couple of weeks while I "recover" (from this awful job) and then go back to this agency with my new nose/boobs/heart. What do you think, Internet? You are my new Magic 8 Ball, so I'll do whatever you say.

Maybe Justin Timberlake Could Sing It

Is it just me, or does the title to the post below look like some kind of song title?

In semi-related goings on, did anyone else hear that Jordan Knight/Debbie Gibson duet on the radio today? Jordan Knight is my favorite Boston-based minor celebrity, and this is why: My friend saw him at this bar in Iowa once, and he slammed like 6 warm Miller Lites before he got on stage, sang the entirety of the New Kids on the Block greatest hits - all the parts, even the high parts - and - AND - had one of the plastic action figures of himself which he had conversations with throughout the show. I've got big plans to have Jordan Knight perform at my wedding after-after party. My guess is he'll do it for like $100 and a case of beer. Although this new album throws a bit of a monkey in my wrench. I'll have to wait for the waves of wild success to die down.

F* U #2 NCBEX

I read this article in the ABA Journal eReport about PMBR getting sued by the NCBEX and losing and it made me sad. I like PMBR. If I pass the bar, it will be because of PMBR's two XXL books of panic-attack inducing practice questions. (I'll concede a nob in Bar/Bri's general direction as well, but we're not on speaking terms due to the whole overpriced monopoly thing.) I think it's ridiculous that the NCBEX can copyright their stupid crappy questions and then sue the people that try to help us out. That's like taking out a patent on your new torture machine and then getting upset when you get arrested for using it. Well, ok, it's not exactly like that, but I'm sure we all had a nice mental image of a Bar Examiner applying thumbscrews to some poor JD, possibly as part of the Moral Character & Fitness evaluation. Anyway, back to the point, how lazy can they get over there at the NCBEX that they can't come up with all new questions every year and just Release The Old Exams? Even the crankiest, oldest, most mean-spirited of law professors release their old exams. I guess it all boils down to the fact that the NCBEX employees are all evil cave-dwelling slime creatures who feast on the flesh of children and puppies and sleep hanging upside down from their toes like bats. But I guess we all already knew that.

Probably Not A Good Sign

My new temp job overlooks Purgatory Cove. I suppose Purgatory is halfway between heaven and hell, but given my past experience, I think I can safely say which side my office will be located on.

I'm mildly excited that I managed to harass my agency into finding me another job right away. It pays a whole 25 cents an hour more than the one I just finished, which brings the rate up to the absolute minimum I'm willing to accept. Even better, this job goes from 9-5, so goodbye getting up at 6am! Supposedly this one is doing data entry of some sort. I know that's typically about as far down the ladder as you can get, but I'd rather do anything than answer phones.

I also got my first paycheck today, which is very exciting. They managed not to screw up the withholdings, which means I only had medicare and social security taken out. Polite golf claps for them! As you may recall, I'm so poverty-stricken that I qualified for the Earned Income Credit last year, so no one has any business withholding anything from the pitiful income I do earn. At least not until next year. I hope.

Dentists = Drugs!!!

In other news, I'm getting a bionic tooth installed, which means drugs, Drugs, DRUGS!!! They, for unknown reasons, don't use gas at this office, which is horribly disappointing. Gas is key. I had something done last year, and my periodontist was a 1L (scary, non?) and he was like "Just wave your hand any time you need me to crank up the gas" so obviously I took full advantage of that situation, right up to the point where I was like woah...dude...maybe I need more oxygen in my...gassssssssssss.... And then there was the part where I stopped him in the middle to tell him about my favorite Torts dentist case, which involves "two teeth, fused to the bone, with some meat and chunks hanging off." Heh. I think I told him about my two favorite shark cases too. Then the whole rest of the time I couldn't stop thinking about how pretty and smart I was (completely gas-induced - not my normal state of mind), so overall, it was extremely pleasant.

But, alas, there's no gas at my new dentist. I think it's because periodontists mainly treat the extremely old, decrepit set. That does have its advantages though. When they did the first stage prep work back in May, they were shocked at how quickly I healed. The lady that took out my stitches called in two other people to see. It was great. I felt like someone from the X-men or something with super healing abilities.

But anyway, back to the gas, or, rather, the disappointing lack thereof. Instead, they're going to give me a bunch of Ambien. I was adamant that I needed something stronger than the Ativan they gave me for procedure #1 - they said I'd only need 2 of those, and I ended up having to take 4 just to stop crying hysterically so they could root around in my jaw. (Fortunately they had given me 6 - the remaining 2 being the ONLY reason I slept both nights before the cursed bar exam.) So the idea is I take 5mg of Ambien the night before, then 10mg one hour before my appointment.

Now I know my fellow bloggers are all Ambien fiends, so someone please tell me whether this is likely to have my desired effect - i.e., blissful unconciousness while they drill a big hole in my head.

And then, of course, post procedure I'll get a full bottle of our dear old friend Vicodin to get me through my depressed unemployment...erm... I mean through my post-procedure pain. This is less exciting to me than the Ambien. I've had so much freaking dental crap done in the last two years (the result of a bad fall) that I've got enough leftover Vicodin to take down a good sized horse, or small elephant. In case that ever comes up.

Incidentally, my fall is the #1 worst thing that's ever happened to me, but studying for the bar exam is #2.

Slow Going

Minimal progress on the job front: I applied for one job, I sent one email to career services, and I sent one email to my temp agency. That's only 3 of the 5 things I'm trying to force myself to do every day. I'm so not interested in doing anything else now either. It's so hard to sit, staring blankly at a computer all day long and then come home and want to have anything to do with one.

I wish I had some privacy at the office so I could spend 10 hours being productive instead of reading the freaking celebrity news for hours and hours. I feel like it looks bad to be applying for jobs from your job, even if it's just a temp job. And I try to get my celebrity news from, like the BBC or something so there's something respectable looking at the top of my browser, even if there's a giant picture of Paris Hilton underneath it. Whereas if I had even just a little bit of privacy, I could spend the morning applying for jobs and networking (ugh) and the afternoon shopping for tile and curtains and the million other things I'm supposed to be researching but haven't been because I have no personal time.

Thank god this stupid crappy job ends tomorrow. I only wish I had something lined up for next week. But I do get a lot more done when I'm unemployed, instead of just severely underemployed.

Suicidal Perfectionists Anonymous

I read an article today on Boston.com on things you can do in college to make it easier to get a job later. It was rather anti-lawyer. Witness:

"6. Skip the law-school track. Lawyers are the most depressed of all professionals. Stress itself does not make a job bad, says Alan Kreuger, economist at Princeton University. Not having control over one's work does make a bad job, though, and lawyers are always acting on behalf of someone else. Suicide is among the leading causes of premature death among lawyers."

and

"18. Get rid of your perfectionist streak. It is rewarded in college, but it leads to insane job stress and an inability to feel satisfied with your work. And for all of you still stuck on number 6, about ditching the law school applications: The Utah Bar Journal says that lawyers are disproportionately perfectionists."

I mean yeah, skipping law school is great advice for most college students who are thinking of selling their soul straight out of college, but the justification seems way off. Working for a client is probably the nicest thing most of us will get to do. It's the main thing you can derive some personal satisfaction from as a lawyer. I agree that not having control over your work is depressing, but that's more the situation in a Big Firm where you get no client contact whatsoever and its the partners controlling your every move. I'd be willing to bet that having clients is not the leading cause of suicide in lawyers.

And as for #18, the author seems to imply that becoming a lawyer leads to perfectionism (then depression! then suicide! the horror!!!), rather than perfectionists being drawn to the legal profession, which is pretty obviously what's actually happening.

But whatever. If the thought of spending three years in a classroom full of suicidal perfectionists scares even one person away from law school, I suppose I shouldn't complain about the details.

P.S. We're all alcoholics too.

0-2

Exciting things I did today: 0

Mind-numbingly awful things I did today: 2

Today I got up at 6am, attended my awful temp job for the requisite 10 hours, and I'm about to go to the grocery store. Maybe later, for fun, I'll read some actuarial tables.

Working is so draining, even if you don't have to think or do anything. Actually, especially if you don't get to think or do anything. I'm too wiped out to even watch a movie. I've had Gone with the Wind for two solid weeks now. Boyfriend is threatening to send it back. It's not that I don't want to watch it - it's that I have to go to bed at freaking 9pm to be able to function at 6am.

I got a call this afternoon from the temp place that is supposed to specialize in legal employment. They offered me a job where I would have to commute an hour in the car each way in wretched traffic, which pays 25 cents an hour less even than the job I'm at now, which pays less than I need to maintain my dignity to begin with, would last "indefinitely" (a fancy way of saying they'd stick me there and never find me anything better), and would involve calling up commercial landlords and discussing the provisions in their leases with them. I guess that's the part that's supposed to relate in some way to the law. That was supposed to be my good agency too! Bastards.

Ha! Fools!

Apparently my college found out I graduated from law school - they just sent a nice letter asking me to give a President's Society level gift of $1,500. Ha! They think that just because you invest hundreds of thousands of dollars in your education that you'll be employed and financially stable! The fools! They also want me to mentor pre-law students (or, rather, they want their vision of Employed, Financially Stable Me to be a mentor) which goes against my basic belief that No One Should Ever Go To Law School Ever if they can avoid it.

On the bright side, although it doesn't affect me personally at all, one of my friends who's been essentially unemployed since graduating last year finally found a real job that requires a law degree, provides health benefits, and pays real cash money. I find this somewhat reassuring.

Le Weekend

The weekend is so blissful when it's your reward for having worked hard all week at a job a monkey or small robot could do. Plus I got up at 8am having slept in for two hours. I don't know that I'll ever be typing that again, so take note.

I'm almost all the way done with Anonymous Lawyer. I'll post what I think later this weekend.

I was reading about the Tax LLM program yesterday. You can do it part time in the evenings. But I just don't see how I could justify plunking down more money I don't have. One possibility, which is absolutely awful, would be to get a job at the university and take classes for free at night. I've worked with people who have done that, but for things like an MA in history. It would mean putting off the law thing for three more years.

But I know people who graduated from my school last year who STILL don't have real jobs. It's terrifying. They're just barely scraping by covering court dates for solo practitioners and things like that. Plus my school's career services office, which was all like,"Oh don't worry, we'll be there for you after graduation!" has made it pretty clear that their main concern right now is finding jobs for the top 10% of 2Ls right now and that I should stop pestering them.

Well fiddledeedee. It's the weekend now. I've got to go pack so I can flee the hurricane.