Fear Is In The Air

Does it count as popular demand if there's only one person demanding it? I'm going to go with yes and give you a little update.

So I picked the worst year of my lifetime to graduate my LLM program - way to go me! I still believe if I had graduated last year, I would have a job by now. But never fear, I do have three interviews. I had one about a week ago and two this Thursday at our "big" spring career fair, which is actually quite small and ridiculously disappointing. It was all BigLaw, which is out of our league, and accounting firms. I had a miserable dream last night that I woke up an hour after my interviews should have been and went downstairs and my mother was like "oh I let you sleep because they called and said your interviews were cancelled!" The most horrifying part of the whole dream, I have to say, was that I was clearly back living with my mother. I admit I have been thinking about it in that "what would I do if this plane crashed" sort of way (answer: climb over the backs of the slow and weak to get the hell down that slide), but I think my dream showed me how completely wrong it would be to actually live it. I am almost 30 years old, and I will work in a fish gutting plant before I move back in with my parents. So there.

If you like the personal details, I'm going through what is essentially a miniature divorce with my boyfriend of five years. I swear to god if I make it out of this I am never living with anyone ever again, not even if I get married. The only bright side is that it's still about two months until final exams, so I should have at least a chance of pulling it back together by then. We are still in negotiations, I suppose, technically, but none of my interviews are even in the city we currently live in so.... whatever. All the better. It's too damn cold and snowy up here anyway.

Oops well it's almost 9:30 now, and that is my bedtime, because I am old and frail and get up at 6am.

Good luck to everyone who's about to take the wretched, awful bar exam. My best advice is to take a xanax or something both nights before. Something you have taken before and are familiar with the effects of. If I hadn't slept like a baby both nights before, I don't know what I would have done. My second best advice is to spend your last day reviewing the thing you suck the most at that you know will come up. For me, that was state civil procedure. You know the things you pretty much know as well as you're going to by now, so you might as well make a last ditch effort to memorize a few of those 60-day filing deadlines rather than trying to do one last massive review session.

LTNS

My boss just found out he failed the bar exam for either the 4th or 5th time. This makes for a crabby boss, which filters down to a crabby me. As you might expect, he didn't announce it, but everyone somehow knows. My non-lawyer coworkers have been making stealthy trips to my cube all week to ask me just how that is possible, but I honestly don't know. He must just be really, really, really bad at standardized tests. Or maybe he has panic attacks when he has to take a test. He seems pretty smart in general, so I have no idea.

In other news, I wish I had done my LLM full time and graduated last year with a job, instead of going part time and graduating this year when there will be no jobs. I don't know what I'm going to do, because there is No Way I'm keeping the job I have for longer than another year. Preferably no longer than through August.

Although I am getting a big fat 25% raise in a month. And if there's any money left over in the budget (not likely) I qualify for a bonus based on my annual review. Woohoo! Don't get too excited for me though. All that will only just bring me up to what I would be making on my first day if I could ever manage to get an actual attorney job with the government.

Gunners Off The Starboard Bow

Who the hell are these people who come to class knowing all the answers to the professor’s questions? And where do they find them? And what are they doing in my class? I come to class to learn what the answer is. If I knew the answer on my own, I wouldn’t need to take a class. I guess they paid for the class because they have a lot of disposable income and no friends to spend it on? That would also explain why they have so much free time to spend memorizing obscure portions of the Treasury Regulations on the off chance that the may one day be called upon to recite them in my class? Maybe they come to class to make me feel stupid. Well I’ll tell you what, smartasses, you talk a good line, but you must be damn stupid, or else I wouldn’t have gotten such good grades last semester. So you can take your Subchapter K and suck it.

For what it’s worth, I’m thinking it tastes briny, like pickles.

ADD & NYR

Oh lord. I've been trying to study since 10am Saturday and I just can't do it. I did spend a good long time yesterday though looking up the symptoms of Adult ADD and deciding I have it and that it's therefore not my fault that I spent all that time wasting time instead of just studying the tax aspects of Bankruptcy.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Can't most people sit in an empty room and read 100 pages of the most boring fine print ever committed to paper without getting distracted? No? Well then WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO???? It's just not fair. And I know I brought this on myself by going back to school, but it's not like I had a choice - I'm trying to get a JOB here, it's not like I'm doing this for the pure joy of education. Or because of my apparent fondness for Overwhelming Indebtedness.

Dammit. This was New Year's Resolution #5 - do my reading at some point BEFORE the weekend before finals.

In other belated NYR news, #4 was to get renter's insurance, which has not gotten done, but I at least got a quote.

#3 was to stop spending money, which is going great except for the $10k I just dropped on school and the $4k on a stupid medical expense - both of which make it seem stupid to deprive myself of a $3 latte. I don't even really buy $3 lattes. I mostly buy a cup of tea and two pieces of toast from the office cafeteria, for a grand total of $1.20. What's so wrong with that???

#2 was to go to the gym, which turned out to be easy, because I go in the middle of the day to escape from work, and I would go ALL DAY if I could rather than work - excellent strategy, I must say. My knees and elbows have been hurting though, so I'm clearly doing something wrong. Although it's less painful than the persistant soul ache I get from being in the office.

#1 is my perennial favorite - floss. I was doing moderately well with that until I ran out of floss last week. I have no plans to buy more floss, so that's the end of that until some drops out of the sky. Oh well. I have an understanding with my hygenist anyway - she asks if I floss, I say no, she looks shocked, and life goes on.

Validation

They just released our grades.

I got an A, an A-, and another A-.

This is unbelievable. I struggled to get out of law school with my 3.0. Now I have a freaking 3.8.

And the A is in the class I thought I failed since the exam was so long I couldn't finish it. The highlight of my answer was undoubtedly the essay question I answered "There were no gift tax consequences, except in those transactions that were subject to the gift tax." There must be some dumb people in my program with me, holding up the other end of the curve. And the thing is, I'm not even sure there IS a curve, since the classes are so small.

This was inspiring to me, so I mustered up the energy to make a phone call I've been avoiding. You may recall that I was interviewed very successfully for my Absolute Dream Job a few months ago. My interviewers recommended me enthusiasticaly to the hiring committee, but my application was subsequently rejected with no explanation. I got a form letter rejection email. I wrote back to ask what the problem was. They gave a purely administrative reason that was not based in fact (think: you're not a citizen of this country, when in fact I am, or similar.) I got the name of the person in charge of the hiring committee and emailed them asking that my application be reconsidered, or at the very least that the administrative error be corrected so my application is not summarily rejected again when I reapply next year. Two weeks passed. I haven't heard back. I've been meaning to call her to follow up, but I SO do not want to. I knew she wouldn't be in the office today because it was a holiday, so, confidence bolstered by my PimpAss Grades, I finally picked up the phone.

And... her phone has been disconnected. Hmm. Perhaps she's been fired for gross mismanagement of the recruitment program? One can only hope. So tomorrow I've got to get in touch with someone I know who can tell me what's up. In the meantime, keep your fingers crossed for me that there was, at the very least, some sort of public shaming ceremony held before she was placed on indefinite administrative leave without pay.

Sadistic Bastards

They were supposed to release grades on Friday by 5pm. They've had all our grades for weeks. They did not release our grades on Friday, however, despite the fact that I checked compulsively throughout the day from 7am on. They then sent an email at 3:40am saying there was something wrong with the server. I suspect, though, that they sent the email at 3:40pm, when they decided it would be nice to get out of work a little ealry to enjoy their long weekend, and just set the email to send later. Thanks guys!!!

In re: Request for Good News

Hmm... I generally only ever have news that ranges from Not Bad to Mildly Exciting. Not necessarily good. Here are the Mildly Not Bad Things that happened to me this week:

1. Two other new people at New Job are lawyers, so I'm not the only loser who can't get a job. And one actually practiced for several years before realizing that small firms pay nothing and are run by cranky old trolls who just want to suck the business dry while working their one associate to death, whereas at the government you can make more and work less. So that is somewhat affirming of my choice. Not Bad.

2. As of Monday I am eligible for matching contributions to my 401(k) like plan at work, which means I'll be getting about $2500 for free this year. Mildly Exciting.

3. I don't think I failed my second exam, unlike my first exam, which I undoubtedly did fail, due to the fact that it was harder than the bar exam (I swear to god it was) and I didn't even have time to finish it. Bad. But the second one was pretty easy. Not Bad.

4. We're getting a 3.15% cost of living increase, which inches my new paycheck ever closer to the realm of acceptability. Mildly Exciting.

5. I went for my laser eye surgery consultation and my corneas are mercifully of the appropriate thickness, so one month from now I should be freed from the tyranny and oppression of Acuvue. Mildly Exciting.

6. We got out of work early for snow on Thursday. This almost never happens in the frozen tundra of the northeast. Of course by turning us away from work, they were sending us out to face certain death on the icy, unplowed streets full of cranky nutjobs trying to get home one car length faster than you, however many innocent lives they have to take to realize that dream. But still. Not Bad.

7. My last exam is on Monday, and then there's no hateful school for almost a month. Not Bad.

Show Me The... Meh... I Never Saw That Movie

I'm jumping ship for a higher grade position. Yes, I'm leaving my beloved IRS for the Dept of Who The Hell Cares If It's Not About Taxes. A higher grade means more $$ - over 50% more than I was currently making. That's a hell of a raise. I'm mostly bitter and sad that I couldn't keep my job, which I love, and just make more money, but the horrifice communist bureaucracy that is the Office of Personnel Managment didn't want that to happen. Sigh.

I also had my second interview with my Accounting Firm last Friday. I thought that went reasonably well, and they seemed pretty impressed with my credentials, so we'll see. They also seem to have a terrible, disorganized recruiting system, so for all I know they've already made my application disappear into the ether by accident. They said we should hear by mid-December.

I haven't heard anything about Government Dream Job since just after my first interview, when I heard that I was being elevated to the Mystic Council in the Home Office. They supposedly meet once a month, and it hasn't been quite one month yet since the interview, so I suppose they aren't late yet. Plus it's the government so who knows if I'll ever hear anything.

In other news, I'm super bad far behind in my LLM classes and I am not going to be able to catch up because a) I work full-time, b) we have no reading period. There's also unhappy factor c) they are making me start my new job the day before my first final. I said I really, really had a problem with that, and they said too bad. If they weren't going to pay me so much, I would have a serious problem with that. Argggh.

So I estimate, based on my current knowledge of the law I was supposed to be learning and the fact that I will just have to wing it on my exams, that I will get a B, a B-, and a B+ (the B+ being in my How the IRS Works class, but the grade still not being very high because I'm sure there's some a-hole gunning for an A who's memorizing Circular 230 line by line right this very minute.) That averages out to a nice round 3.0 though, so I'm not going to lose sleep about it. And I'm sure as hell not studying over Thanksgiving. Maybe on the flight to Vegas for my bday after T-day though. Mayyyybe. If I run out of back issues of Glamour. I'll at least take the book. In my checked luggage. If it doesn't push me over the weight limit. That's all anyone can really ask, right?

Two More Interviews - Neat!

That's right. I'm Pop-u-lar. I've only been back in school for two months, and it has yielded 2 interviews, 1 callback, and a call from a recruiter based on a reference from an alumna. I heart my LLM. The third interview was just the result of my relentless pursuit of cushy government jobs that have little or nothing to do with the law. I also heart USAJobs.

So Monday I had an interview with my total government attorney dream job. The guys who interviewed me were young enough to find their way around the web, so I won't say specifically what it was, but it was the people I went shmoozing/boozing with in a previous post. And it turned out to be with two people who were there that night, who I had already met then and several other times, so it was minimally stressful. They seemed pretty positive about it. I don't want to be, because they can't crush a dream I pretend I don't have, right? I have a feeling the evil government HR people are going to screw me on a technicality. Sigh. But at least I had the interview...

Today I had an interview for a job I couldn't care less about, for a different government agency, but that pays 50% more than what I do now. Nothing else I'm interviewing for would start for at least 6 or 7 months, so I guess if they offered it to me I'd ignore that strange guilty feeling that comes from god knows where and take it. So we shall see how that works out.

Actually, this particular agency totally screwed me when I applied for this very job at the end of July. It occurs to me that I never blogged the story of how. Basically, they called me up, interviewed me, then told me that, because of an HR "oversight" they never should have interviewed me at all. And the reason they were digging around and discovered the oversight was because they wanted to hire me after that interview. Nice, non? I keep meaning to write a letter to that woman's supervisor so she can be sure to have it in her personnel file for all eternity. Maybe I'll do that right after I write my Xmas cards (and no, I'm not writing those *now* - I just schedule my letter writing way ahead.)

This wretched government HR error is not to be confused with the time when the Dept of Homeland Suckurity HR people totally screwed me on a job offer back last spring. And I've since become pretty sure that they were completely incorrect in the decision that was made there, and if I had known enough to fight it, I could have been earning almost a living wage this whole entire year. I hate them so much. I did send a letter to that evil whore's supervisor. So you see, I am capable of following through on my idle letter-writing threats.

Creepy Weirdo

I'm pretty sure I sit in my How the IRS Works class and smile gleefully every time the professor talks about how the IRS has these masses of authority to come in and seize your assets or put a lien on your paycheck. I hope no one notices, because I sit towards the back, but if they do, I bet I look creepy.

In other creepy weirdo news, I want to punch every 2L I see walking around in a suit (obviously doing on campus interviews and about to make a crapload of money to not do very much at all, based solely on some luck as a 1L.) That's normal though, right?

I Swear To God

If I go to work and they tell me I look "awful" one more time... I'm going to... do... well nothing I suppose. But it will continue to make me feel bad. It's not my fault I have extraordinarily thin skin that shows the world exactly how much sleep I'm (not) getting. Apparently, I look particularly awful on Wednesdays (my classes being held on Monday and Tuesday evenings.) They seem to think it's because I go out partying every night. I think they must think I'm ten years younger than I actually am.

Anyone know a good, thick, long-wearing concealer? Maybe one that shoots out refractive laser beams to thwart nosy, tactless colleagues?

Long Time, No See

It's my first day back to school. All of my classes this semester are in the two rooms that I had all my 1L classes in. It's trippy in a bad way. I swear I'm having actual visual disturbances. Unpleasant. I was doing my reading at the last minute last night and that was unpleasantly similar to law school too. I very much hated law school.

It's not all bad though. At least now I'm a Law Student again, instead of just severely underemployed. And one of my professors is pretty hot, so that's a bonus. And I can blog in class, thanks to wifi.

Official Supergenius

I got my acceptance letter today for my Tax LLM program. I'm now officially mildly excited to be going back to school. I feel at least 20% less pathetic already.

Everlasting Anxiety

I had an awful dream last night that they were going to reject my LLM application because they found out I petitioned the Academic Standards Committee to take some of my exams late while I was in law school. So I was in such a bad mood all morning. They had better hurry up and accept me.

Less than a week till I start the new job. Eek! I need to find a new hair place asap and get my roots done so I'm not like That New Girl With The Awful Dye Job, as though there will be more than one new girl. Actually I suck with names, so I'll be the one doling out stupid names, like Lady I Don't Know But I Think She Wore A Pink Shirt On The First Day And I Wish People Weren't Allowed To Change Their Clothes Or Move Around Too Much Until You've Got To Know Their Names Or They Should At Least All Wear Name Tags and they'll still be standing there looking at me like "I wonder if the new girl is maybe autistic or something because I said hi to her ten minutes ago and she's just staring at me like she's thinking really hard for no reason, but DAMN she's got fine hair."

I'm looking forward to reclaiming my Life Outside Of Work (or, you know...watching more CSI) since I won't be able to work overtime at the new job. I've been doing the ten hours a day six days a week thing for the last six months. And, mind you, STILL making less than I could have made straight out of college! Stellar! I can't wait to reclaim my weekends though.

Because You All So Care

I got my LLM application in two weeks ago. One of my letter writers wrote down that my deadline was July instead of June though, so it's still not complete. So I should get an answer within two weeks of god only knows when.

In the meantime, I'm trying to decipher the financial aid rules for part-time students. I can't figure out if you can get your whole Stafford loan up to the max limit if you're taking half the courses, or if you only get half for half. It would be so much nicer if I could have all of it, so I'm going to just assume that's how it works until someone comes along and crushes my dreams.

They're telling us at work now that we'll probably be there until at least the end of September. Now I don't want to get laid off, because I can't afford it, but it would be nice if they could pick a freaking date and let us know in advance. And "probably September" doesn't count, because they could come in tomorrow and fire us all effective immediately, or we could be stuck there until November with all our things packed in a box not knowing if we'll be back the next day.

If we are still there once school starts (assuming I get accepted, because why wouldn't I, right? I'm extraordinarily lucky, as you know) it's going to be a big hassle because I want to take one class that would require me to leave half an hour early once a week. Now those of you with human, or even just "human" bosses are thinking "well gee, that sounds reasonable, who would ever deny you that, especially if you have annual leave stored up or agree to come in half an hour early that day?" Unfortunately, I work for an evil soulless bureaucracy, headed, they say, by the Devil himself, and I'm afraid doing anything week after week would constitute an Alteration To My Normal Tour Of Duty, which is a big no-no and punishable by death by firing squad. Seriously. Look it up.

In other news, I'm gonna do me some ghetto weight watchers for a few weeks and see if I can't fit my fat ass back into my cute summer dresses (that are left over from high school, back when my parents paid for everything and I could therefore afford things that one would describe as "cute" and not just "cheap" or "mommy can i give the homeless lady a quarter?" "no dear, she'll only spend it on liquor.") I'm not paying for it, since I'm poor, so I made myself a spreadsheet and decided 25 points a day sounds like a good number. We'll see how that works out. The first two hours have gone well.

Oh, and I also chopped off 12 inches of hair, which I'm supposed to donate whenever I feel ambitious enough to find a padded envelope, and dyed it bright red. I hate it. I went with a friend from work to her sketchass unlicensed ethnic salon (did not know this beforehand, obviously) and feel lucky to have escaped with any hair at all. Not amused. The dye looks cheap and the haircut they gave me has to be blow dried every morning so as not to look like leftover dead rat casserole, which is something I specifically said I could not deal with. Bastards. And this is exactly why I had 12 inches of excess accumulated hair in the first place. So I guess it's back to the drawing board in another two years.

Ethics For Lawyers

I guess I've decided to apply for the LLM in Taxation thing. I am not pleased, but I'm a little bit excited. Not about having the chance to earn another useless degree, paying $35,000 for the privilege, or attending boring classes that teach me less than nothing. No - I'm excited because I'll be an LLM Candidate, which sounds so much better than Unemployed Loser (although I suppose I'm technically a Federal Employee, but I consider my job so temporary that I can't bring myself to think of myself that way.)

The scariest part, aside from the fact that I'll be dumping another huge truckload of money on top of my Bottomless Pit of Massive Debt, is trying to find two law professors who "know me well" and convincing them to write something vaguely positive about me within a set time frame. My law professors did not know me well. My strategy, therefore, was to email the four professors I had in my last semester of school, hoping against all odds that my name might trigger some glimmer or recollection, and that they would take pity on me and just write something since I was obviously reduced to begging for help from complete strangers.

Shockingly enough, I did get two responses right away. One person just offered to do it, thank god, but the other person said something kind of weird. He said he would be happy to help me if I would just send him a complete draft of what I want said about me for him to look over. He basically wants me to write it so he can sign it.

Now people at work assured me that this happens all the time and there is nothing shady about it at all, but I'm not so sure. So I'm asking you - the conscience I never had - for your opinion. Is this normal? Is this ethical? Is this a golden opportunity? Do people get expelled or fired for that kind of thing? Eh? Speak up - I'm getting old.