i (still) hate the bar exam

The adventures of a disgruntled unemployed former slacker law student struggling to pass the bar exam and find a job involving as little actual legal work as possible.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Fatty McFatfat

I need to buy jeans. My last pair of serviceable jeans ripped straight across the butt last week, much to my displeasure. Buying jeans is, I think, the thing most likely to make any woman feel fat, misshapen, and alternately murderous and suicidal. Conveniently, the bar exam is probably #2 after pregnancy on the list of Life Events Guaranteed to Make You Overeat and Gain Weight. Fabulous!!!

And so I believe I am going to try to go on a diet. I have never actually gone on a diet before, so the world is my low-calorie oyster. I don't know which strange trendy option to pursue. I'm a vegetarian so I can't really do Atkins, although that doesn't appeal to me very much in any case. Is Scientology a diet? I'm so confused. I need to lose, oh, say, 20lbs by next week (Wednesday at the latest) when I go shopping with my mother (who can probably be conned into buying some things for me - hence the deadline.) Any suggestions?

posted by feithline @ 10:25 AM  

4 Comments:

  • At 5:17 PM, Blogger The Once and Future TC said…

    Not really, except that I think jean sizes have been modified to accommodate the increased girth of the average American fat ass. I am the exact precise same weight I was in 2000, except that I can buy jeans 2 sizes smaller (or really 4 sizes if you're considering the fact that there are those in-between sizes in which you can't actually buy clothes.) So yay, who needs to lose weight!

    As for dieting, well, I'm always always always on a diet. Always. The thing that actually works best for me is being serious about it...and just frigging eating less of my usual foods. The trendy stuff never works because you can't keep it up. Sadly, just eating less is hard to do too, because eating more is nice and eating less is not.

     

  • At 12:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I know that a proper healthy diet does not include ice cream from cold stone creamery every day because studying makes me stressed. But that's why I had to buy new bottom parts to most of my suits this weekend. I'm on a diet too... (now I just eat the fat free vanilla from Maggie Moo's)

    Oh, and I've learned the key to not having a nervous breakdown when buying jeans is to avoid anything owned by the gap chain. Whether it is Old Navy or the Gap, they are messing with me. There is no reason on earth why petite pants should need to be hemmed at least five inches. I've found the polo and options along those lines work best. And they cover my butt. That is super important. (I don't know which I hate more, the low rise trend or the new skinny jean thing.)

     

  • At 9:33 AM, Blogger feithline said…

    Oh don't get me started on the low rise thing. I bought a pair of Levi's from Costco on the off chance that they would fit because they were so damn cheap. They do fit the way they were intended to, but it's sure as hell not the way God intended! They do that thing where your whole entire butt pops out any time you sit down or bend over, plus they leave a 2" gap between the waist and most of my shirts. YUCK! And what is up with those shirts at JCrew they have now that are a good 6 inches longer than normal? They appear to be designed to bridge that unattractive tummy gap these new hideous jeans create, but since when is it attractive to have an Xtra long torso and stubby legs???

     

  • At 12:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I hear you about the shirts. I went to the mall this weekend to get shirts for wearing under suits and I couldn't believe it. I am only a tiny bit over five feet tall and the last thing I need is a shirt that long. That and the leggings thing. I went into DSW and they actually had the capri leggings with the lace at the bottom that we wore when i was in grade school. Absolutely horrifying.

     

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