The Joy of Temping
Dear sweet baby Jesus on a pogo stick, I don't know how people who have to be at work at 7am do anything else afterwards ever. Yesterday I couldn't even cook, so I made us go out to dinner, which sucked, and I was falling asleep halfway through at 8:30. Today I'm supposed to be applying to real jobs, but I don't see how I'm supposed to be able to write a cover letter when I have just been hung by my ankles and drained of every single ounce of my soul.
I do not enjoy working. Oh no. I do not.
The office is set up completely open plan - no cubicles or anything - so, although we have internet access, I can't really use it. So I just sit there for 10 hours folding tiny paper pirate hats out of used post its. They also have the Bloomberg channel on tv all day long, so I spend a lot of time fantasizing about hacking into the system and changing it to the Game Show Network. And in my spare time, I calculate how much money I've made so far that day, then so far total, then how much I make every fifteen minutes/five minutes/minute and then every second. I do it with and without all the withholdings. That's a good little time filler, because by the time you're done doing that, it's been about fifteen minutes and you can do it all again. I like to do it longhand. Using a calculator is too fast.
They all know I'm supposed to be a lawyer, which is horribly embarassing. I wanted to pretend I'd just graduated college (or, better yet, high school) and had no job experience or anything. Like the last temp. They told me they fired her after three days because she couldn't answer the phone properly. They said she wasn't aggressive enough. I told them if they hit me in the head with the Nerf football they throw around constantly, even just once, I'd sue them all. I hope that was aggressive enough.
I do not enjoy working. Oh no. I do not.
The office is set up completely open plan - no cubicles or anything - so, although we have internet access, I can't really use it. So I just sit there for 10 hours folding tiny paper pirate hats out of used post its. They also have the Bloomberg channel on tv all day long, so I spend a lot of time fantasizing about hacking into the system and changing it to the Game Show Network. And in my spare time, I calculate how much money I've made so far that day, then so far total, then how much I make every fifteen minutes/five minutes/minute and then every second. I do it with and without all the withholdings. That's a good little time filler, because by the time you're done doing that, it's been about fifteen minutes and you can do it all again. I like to do it longhand. Using a calculator is too fast.
They all know I'm supposed to be a lawyer, which is horribly embarassing. I wanted to pretend I'd just graduated college (or, better yet, high school) and had no job experience or anything. Like the last temp. They told me they fired her after three days because she couldn't answer the phone properly. They said she wasn't aggressive enough. I told them if they hit me in the head with the Nerf football they throw around constantly, even just once, I'd sue them all. I hope that was aggressive enough.
posted by feithline @ 5:04 PM
2 Comments:
At 6:06 PM,
una donna fantastica said…
my dream job would be getting paid to watch GSN. any hot investment bankers to save you from your misery?
At 6:51 PM,
feithline said…
It's some kind of small boutique investment place (not even sure it's a bank, or how I would know if it were - big stacks of cash in the restrooms?), so there are slim pickings in the hot banker department. Plus it's a business casual office, and most of what appeals to me about IBs is that they wear suits. I am such a sucker for a guy in a suit. /droooool/
Oh yeah and, like, I have a boyfriend or whatever. Not that that would prevent me from looking...
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