My Weekends Suck

I guess people really do rent for September 1st in January. I just got an email from five girls who want to look at 5-bed places next week. Come onnnnn big commission!

Speaking of commissions, I finally, finally, finished my deal with that other girl on Wednesday. But I can't get my check, because the broker had a death in the family and disappeared for who knows how long. I've never actually met the broker, so that's not quite as heartless as it sounds.

I get to spend my weekend installing baseboard and window casing in the attic and measuring for countertops. The measuring part totally sucks, but the countertops themselves are pretty exciting. We're getting real granite and marble for the kitchen/baths since our cabinets and appliances fell off the back of a truck out in Jersey which really helped cut costs. For the kitchen we're getting Blue Pearl, for the downstairs bath Ming Green, and for the upstairs bath it's White Naxos I'm most excited about the Blue Pearl since I had to wage a six-month subliminal message campaign to get it.

In lawyer news, Boyfriend's mother wants me to sue this contractor that totally screwed her over. I'm hoping he'll just show back up and finish the work after the first threatening letter (which I have yet to write) cause there's no way I can go to court by myself. It's not even small claims cause it's like $10,000, so it would be For Real Court. Eek.

Did anyone else get hit up for legal advice over the holidays? People like to ask me things I couldn't possibly know off the top of my head, like "How long do I have to keep cancelled checks?" and "What's the basis for the stock your grandmother left me that she bought in 1920 when it was the Northeastern Telegraph Company because telephones didn't exist yet and then became Bell which split off into the baby bells then eventually evolved into Verizon?" I was like ummm...these sound like questions for your accountant. Lawyers spot issues, we don't know practical things.

Cashmere Lip Perfection

I've been going over the numbers, and it looks like when I start my full-time job in two weeks (so soon!) I will not be making enough to live on. For instance, I can pay my rent and pay my student loans, but not eat. Or, I could eat and pay my loans, but get evicted and have to live in my car. However, even if I did live in my car, I would not be able to afford to buy gas to drive it to work, so I would lose my job and freeze to death on the side of the road, and they would find me huddled under my diploma for warmth, clutching my tiny Supreme Court souvenir gavel in one hand and the 2006 Tax Code in the other.

I have tried to talk to Boyfriend and my family about this, but they keep saying, essentially, "Oh, don't worry, you can still do the real estate thing on the side." Which is true, except that they seem to all be overlooking the small fact that I CAN'T SEEM TO MAKE ANY MONEY DOING REAL ESTATE. So, if I were looking for, say, a way to while away the idle hours while I wait to be frozen to death in my car, real estate would be a fine hobby, but as a money-making venture, I believe I already have two months' worth of proof that it sucks quite thoroughly.

So this has been taking some of the fun out of the whole Yippee I'm Starting A New Job thing. It barely makes me chuckle with glee to look over my vision benefits anymore.

But, on the bright side, my lip gloss matches my sweater perfectly. That, I can only assume, is why I'm making $1/hour more than the last temp they had here.

Yet Another Interview (or: I Kill You Now!!!)

And so it came to pass that last Wednesday, when I went to my interview to be a bank auditor, this bitch in an SUV ran me off the road in the parking garage, whereupon I ran into a curb and my tire exploded. 15 minutes before my interview. Isn't that hot? I thought it was.

So I had to pull into one of the Park Here And Die!!! reserved spaces because you can't drive on no tire. I went downstairs and explained to the woman what had happened. The woman told me they were going to tow my car. I explained what happened again. The woman told me to move my car because they were going to tow my car.

I went outside and called Boyfriend and starting crying hysterically on the phone. There was a man on the sidewalk. He turned out to be the owner of all the buildings on the street, including the parking garage. He explained to the awful woman what happened. The awful woman was suddenly very polite and helpful and assured him that of course my car would not be towed. Such a miraculous transformation at this time of year must be the work of the Baby Jesus.

I then proceeded to my interview, which, I must point out, I made it to EXACTLY on time. But obviously the interview sucked because I was distracted and I kept blinking like I had some kind of disorder because crying dries out my contacts really bad. Plus it was a two vs. one interview, which is never fun to begin with. I was so not into it that I immediately forgot the name of the second woman upon entering the elevator, so I haven't sent my thank you notes because I thought it would be awkward to thank one lady but not the other, and now it's probably too late in any case. Fabulous.

Then, for dessert, I got to pay $100 for a new tire, when I had just paid $100 for two new tires two months ago, one of which was the one that exploded. Although I did get to have my tire installed at the place I think they must use as the set for every chop shop scene in every movie about car thieves, which is somewhere in East or possibly South Boston, if you're interested. So that was nice. And by "nice" I mean "aggghhh!!!"

To prevent future such occurrences, I'm having one of those tank guns installed on top of my little car and the next SUV that makes me feel the least bit nervous is getting totally fucking vaporized.

Not Dead Yet

Sorry I disappeared. I must tell you about my interviews, my flat tire, and my further adventures in real estate, among other things. Not today, but soon. Today, I flew, and I therefore need a drink, NOW. Or two. Or four. Aw hell...bring me a straw and the handle of vodka. It was a discount airline.

The Power Of The Purse

Yesterday, I rescheduled my plans with my friend V with the magic job luck purse to go out on Wednesday night instead since Monday didn't work out. Then, last night, I got a phone call from the state Tax Man, who I haven't heard from since the beginning of SEPTEMBER when I had my first and second interviews. They want me to come in for a third interview with the head of the bureau. Eeee!

The advantages of this job over the IRS job are as follows:
1) It pays about $30k more per year
2) It's an actual lawyer job

The disadvantages are:
1) It's litigation
2) That is all

Never doubt the power of the purse. I haven't even touched it yet, and already it's working for me. It also found me a temp job for just today - the day I'm going to see it.

Keep rubbing, y'all. I'll bring more luck back tonight.

Doing My To Do's

I've been doing my Christmas cards all weekend. I love that Martha Stewart feeling of superiority you get when you've tracked down the address, stuffed the card in the envelope, and put the stamp on. Especially if you get your cards in the mail before you receive any.

I desperately need to take my Bar Bri books back this week. I've been carting them around in my trunk in a little mini suitcase since the day I found out I passed at the beginning of November. But I keep not going. It's just such a pain in the ass to park downtown. Yuck. Maybe tomorrow. I wish I'd done it earlier. I could really use the money since I haven't gotten paid since, oh, what now, the first week of November?

I've got zero interest in this real estate crap now. I didn't go in all weekend and I'm still not in and it's 12:30 (although, to be fair, I've never been in before noon.) But I'm supposed to be writing up the stupid lease for the stupid girl's stupid apartment. I don't see why I should rush though. She's obviously going to wait until the last possible second to get in her deposits and earn me my commission. Ugh.

Plus I'm starting to get nervous about telling my manager I'm leaving. The plan is to tell him I need to cut back to part-time, but in reality, part-time will mean I'm never in the office, ever, and given my current level of enthusiasm, will essentially just mean I'm quitting.

Monday is supposed to be my gym day but I so don't feel like it. I never do on Monday. Even when I'm barely doing anything else and the days all blend together, my body can still tell it's Monday, and it doesn't want to move. Stupid lazy body.

Yawn

I rented my first apartment on Friday night, but it was totally anticlimactic because the girl was supposed to rent it last Saturday, and then again on Wednesday, so now I'm just totally sick of her and wish she'd go away. Also I don't get paid until she gets all her money in, which probably won't be till the last week of December. And the landlord hasn't actually called to confirm that she's accepted yet, which is kind of strange. Hopefully there's nothing bad going on with that. Whatever. I'm so over this real estate thing. It's so November...

We had our holiday concert last night. There was one song with an awesome horn section solo and we totally nailed it. Anyway, everyone said we sounded great, which I'm sure we did to them since only other musicians can tell when you're majorly screwing things up. Then, after, I went out and got drunk with the old folks (average age of band - approx. 45.) Apparently, in the outlying towns, Chili's is the happening place to be on weekend nights, since it is the only place that stays open past ten, and one of only 2 places open past 6. Yeesh. It's freaky, especially since they're so close to Boston.

Today we're going to finish tiling the upstairs bathroom. Thank god. Tiling sucks ass. I can't wait till this stupid house is done. Yeah I know. Stifle your yawns. It's been a slow weekend after an eventful week. I've got an exciting post planned for tomorrow though about how much I'm going to love my government health insurance. Get up early to check for that...

Uncharacteristic Sapiness & Job Luck

I love you guys. You're so relentlessly enthusiastic and optimistic (at least when it comes to other people's luck.) Big sappy internet hugs to all my posters, lurkers, casual readers, and the guy who got here accidentally while he was looking for weird japanese r0pe p0rn. Well... ok not to that last guy. He is welcome to a firm, platonic handshake though. Right after he washes his hands.

I may have mentioned before that my friend V got this monster pink Chanel purse from her apparently insanely wealthy boyfriend for their anniversary this year. She was looking for a job for a long time, then she got the purse, and she found a great new job where she's making about $15k more than her last one (she was getting seriously screwed.) I went out for drinks with her and rubbed the purse for luck. I found a job just a few weeks later. I am now offering you the chance to rub my blog for the residual monster pink Chanel purse job related luck that may be clinging to it even now. One rub to a customer please.

Shreiking With Glee

Omigod omigod I got a job! I'm going to work for the IRS! Oh the unholy power I will weild! Muahahaha!

More later must go jump up and down and shreik with glee until the neighbors call the cops. Or actually both of my neighbors are cops, so I guess they'll just come up and club me.

Stress Yourself Thin

Today is my weigh in day & I made it to my goal weight this week =) It's weird...I was stuck for three weeks and then this week I lost 5lbs all of a sudden.

AND - the best part - I tried on my skinny suit, which hasn't fit for two years so I've never actually worn it, and it fits! Yay! Almost as fun as buying something new. I do need some new shoes to wear with it though, since it's navy. Hmm... If I close this stupid deal tonight I might be heading over to Payless later to hunt for some faux crocodile. You can't beat two pairs of shoes for $20. Who cares if they disintegrate in water.

Actually no, the suit part is great, but the very best part is I see they're giving me 4 more points a day now. Thank god! I'm so freaking hungry!! Yay!

Operation ANIDWT - Day 1

Ok. So. I didn't quite do what I was supposed to, but I at least did something.

1. I applied to a state government job to do something that sounds like audit banks, which is at least a little bit law-related (but who cares anyway - it's a government job /drool/.) And that application required like 15 different forms and a copy of my freaking credit report, which I just happened to have lying around, AND a trip to the post office.
   
2. I applied to H&R Block to be a tax season person.
   

So not lawyer jobs, but they would both be paying jobs at least. I couldn't bring myself to start the awful targeted mailing thing, and I'm really, really not feeling it today either. I can't decide if I should hold it to just 4/day, or make them build up so today I should do 8. I guess that would just terrorize me and make me not want to do it even more.

We'll see what I can get done today. It's already 11. Argh! Stupid time! Why do you fly! Why?!?

What are the great unemployed masses doing for Christmas/holiday presents this year? I'm a big present person, but I'm even poorer now than when I was a student. And I'm no longer liking my previous cookie idea.

Arrgggh! Noooo! I Don't Want To!!!!

Question of the Day: If you are still looking for a job, what the heck is it you're doing???

In my pit of despair yesterday, I recalled a flyer I got in the mail from Legal Authority. They get no link, since they prey off the weak and downtrodden. I looked into their services. I was horrified to see that it would cost me about $3/firm to do a targeted mailing through them. Now, granted, I'm at the point where I can barely get out of bed in the morning, am boycotting washing my hair until I'm gainfully employed, and burst into tears whenever I think about applying for another job, which I believe puts me squarely in their target demographic, but I'll be damned if I'm paying any $3/firm.

And so, today, I commence Operation Arrgggh! Noooo! I Don't Want To!!!!

Operation ANIDWT Points of Action:

1. Search for jobs on the 7 main job sites I check. (1/2 hour)
   
2. Apply for 1 job found during search. (1/2 hour)
3. Identify 4 firms suitable for targeted mailing. (1/2 hour)
4. Prepare, print, and mail 4 letters to abovementioned firms begging for a job. (1/2 hour)

The Master Plan calls for all of this to happen before 11am every day. That, coupled with the fact that I'm tearing up just thinking about it, makes it very unlikely that this will work. But I'm going to try to force myself to do it this week.

Awful

Oh god everything is so awful. It's so unfair. I just emailed the career services office again begging one of the ladies who used to be nice to me to help me, but I know she won't, because they don't care about us at all once we graduate. I'm about to run out of money completely this month and I don't know what I'm going to do. I waited too long and I can't get a bar study loan anymore. I can't even move back in with my parents cause I was so goddamn stupid and took the bar in a state where I don't know anyone. I mean not that it makes a fucking difference since I obviously won't ever get to be a lawyer here. But it hurts to have to leave and give up even the tiny little chance. I'd be better off buying lottery tickets than looking for jobs. I don't even see how I could give up and look for a normal person job cause if I leave law school on my resume they would never hire me and if I take it off how do I explain the three year hole? I just wish I were dead. I can't do this anymore.

Please no posts about cheering up from anyone who has a job.

So Close, And Yet, So Poor

Argh! I almost just rented a place! I was even closer than last time! This girl brought her checkbook and was prepared to put down a deposit, but she couldn't do the whole first month's rent, which is what we require, so I had to send her away. Argh!!!

She is in love with a place I showed her though, and she made an appointment to come back on Wednesday when she gets paid, so hopefully this will go through.

Things That Must Happen So I Can Get Paid Instead Of Getting Evicted And Starving To Death:

1. The apartment must not get rented between now and Wednesday.
2. The girl must get paid as usual on Wednesday.
3. The girl must return to my office on Wednesday.
4. The girl must not have a change of heart between now and Wednesday.

I think she actually has to have all her deposits (first/last/security, etc.) in before I get paid, and I think it might take them a while after that to do the paperwork and write me a check. But I prefer to think of it as that I get paid the very instant she submits her application.

I've got another appointment tomorrow with a guy who told me up front that he's extremely picky. So I'm not particularly optimistic, but you never know what people will like.