Litigation Fantasies

It's kind of nice to have a job to get a day off from for the long weekend. They may even let us leave a half hour early tomorrow, although, as an hourly employee, that doesn't actually benefit me. I'm praying they're going to pay me overtime since I'll be working 50 hours this week.

Of course, in reality, I'll be lucky if they temp agency doesn't try to screw me and pay me less than they promised me. I was fantasizing about that today - I like to daydream about what I'd do in a potentially obnoxious situation. I'm always so assertive in make believe land. I like to imagine taking people to small claims court and getting treble damages and buying something nice with the evil-doer's money while they sit on the curb and cry and I point at them and laugh.

We were supposed to be going to Boyfriend's company summer party/insane lakeside boozefest on Sunday, but they're talking about postponing it because of the stupid hurricane or whatever it is. We're in MASSACHUSETTS for godssake, we should not have to alter our plans for stupid crappy hurricanes as though we lived in Florida when we receive none of the Floridian benefits, such as warmth, sunshine, and people who look attractive in a bathing suit.

The Joy of Temping

Dear sweet baby Jesus on a pogo stick, I don't know how people who have to be at work at 7am do anything else afterwards ever. Yesterday I couldn't even cook, so I made us go out to dinner, which sucked, and I was falling asleep halfway through at 8:30. Today I'm supposed to be applying to real jobs, but I don't see how I'm supposed to be able to write a cover letter when I have just been hung by my ankles and drained of every single ounce of my soul.

I do not enjoy working. Oh no. I do not.

The office is set up completely open plan - no cubicles or anything - so, although we have internet access, I can't really use it. So I just sit there for 10 hours folding tiny paper pirate hats out of used post its. They also have the Bloomberg channel on tv all day long, so I spend a lot of time fantasizing about hacking into the system and changing it to the Game Show Network. And in my spare time, I calculate how much money I've made so far that day, then so far total, then how much I make every fifteen minutes/five minutes/minute and then every second. I do it with and without all the withholdings. That's a good little time filler, because by the time you're done doing that, it's been about fifteen minutes and you can do it all again. I like to do it longhand. Using a calculator is too fast.

They all know I'm supposed to be a lawyer, which is horribly embarassing. I wanted to pretend I'd just graduated college (or, better yet, high school) and had no job experience or anything. Like the last temp. They told me they fired her after three days because she couldn't answer the phone properly. They said she wasn't aggressive enough. I told them if they hit me in the head with the Nerf football they throw around constantly, even just once, I'd sue them all. I hope that was aggressive enough.

Putting My JD to Good Use

I went this morning to register at an agency that specializes in law jobs. They made me take a multiple choice test of legal terminology (think: subp0ena, motion). I missed 2 out of 35 terms. I can't remember which ones, but one was something stupid and the other was motion in limine. The questions were actually pretty hard - I was torn between two answers a couple of times. I wish there had been a terminology section on the bar exam. Like maybe something where we had to use it in a sentence: "The attorney said, ''Motion in Limine' is an important legal term." Takes me back to 6th grade English =)

My other agency called to offer me the job from hell, which I took, because that's how degraded I'm feeling. It's being a receptionist at an investment bank office for two weeks, it pays 75 cents less per hour than what I swore was my minimum, and the hours are 7am - 5pm. Yuck! Plus I just know this means that on Monday my new agency will call and offer me my dream job. Clearly, however, if I didn't accept this crappy job, neither agency would ever call again, because that's just how it works.

Oh well. Investment bankers are totally hot.

J-O-B

My temp agency called this morning. They may have found something for me. I don't know how much it would pay yet, which is obviously the determining factor, but it doesn't sound too bad. It's being an executive assistant to the CEO & VP of this biotech firm with an actual, honest to god, free parking lot. I would so love a job I didn't have to take public transportation to get to.

No news to report on the real job front. I'm trapped in that paralyzing spiral of depression where you just know that no matter how many resumes you send out, no one will be interested, so what's the point of applying for anything. Ugh.

I think I'll feel better if I can just get a temp job and get out of the house. I have an appointment to register with another temp place tomorrow. They also do attorney jobs, so maybe they'll be able to help me after I get my stupid worthless license. Because Document Review is where it's at.

Shopping = Love

I got back from MD last night. I should have dragged Boyfriend down to DC to live. It's so much nicer there - practically no snow and they have 3 Nordstroms within easy driving distance. Unlike here, where we have 6 feet of snow and practically no good places to shop.

Anyway, it turned out that this was tax free week down there, which coincided perfectly with my trip's main purpose of replenishing my wardrobe =) I was mostly looking to replace things, so I didn't get anything too exciting, but I did get some very cute work shoes, two pairs of jeans from Express (and I only had to try on 12 pairs before I went there and found some that fit) although they are a little on the low rise side, two extremely soft sweater type things from Banana Republic, assorted nice smelling and/or sparkly things from Sephora, some new underwear from VS, and sunglasses that made Boyfriend burst out laughing when he saw me in them. He doesn't understand that I need to wear XXL sunglasses in order to avoid the paparazzi.

I also got my copy of Anonymous Lawyer in the mail while I was gone. It will be my first post-bar book (and my second post-law school one - the first being Jane Eyre).

Trashier and Trashier

This woman on Maury just said something along the lines of: "He can't help it, he's stupid. What can you expect from a stupid individual." Heh. Heheh. I hope I can say something that coherent when I go on Maury to have my kids' paternity tests done.

Unfortunately she also explained how she named her baby. The father's name is Kemo (as in kemotherapy) and she named her baby after the father and Maury, who she watches every day - so Kemauri. It makes me sad when people name their babies after tv characters. My friend is a preschool teacher in the Midwest, and her classes have been FULL of Emmas (after Ross & Rachel's baby) for the last few years.

Fuzzy Ponies vs. Broken Glass

I've got 40 minutes till I need the taxi to show up and whisk me away to the airport. So, clearly, I'm not packed yet. And, equally clearly, the best way to utilize my time is updating my blog and watching Emergency Vets. Furry little animals are so freaking cute.

Speaking of which, they were giving pony rides on our new street on Saturday. They had the two cutest little teeny tiny Welsh ponies. In between rides they were devouring the neighbors' yards, which got me thinking - we totally need to buy a pony instead of a lawn mower. They might have a higher initial cost, but with gas prices and all, I'm sure you make up for that right away. Plus they'll do the entire lawn by themselves, like those Roomba vacuum things, only more accurate. There are no grass clippings to clean up - they have a built in storage tank. And when they're done digesting you can sell what's left as fertilizer. Brilliant! The Welsh Pony Lawn Care System - buy yours today!

The pony rides were for the 11th annual Lobster Fest that the neighbor three doors down does. They had 600 (six hundred!!) pounds of lobster and bbq, plus the ponies, a moon bounce, and assorted games. We so picked the right neighborhood. I can't wait to move out of our current crappy apartment, where the most popular neighborhood activity is Break the Empty Bottle in the Street.

Ok 20 minutes now I've got to go get serious about packing.

Kill Me Now

I've had the Migraine From Hell since Friday night - so about 48 straight hours now. It started out draped across my forehead with two little evil talons of death gouging into my eyes, but has migrated over the course of days down to its usual spot on the right hand bottom back side of my neck. Fantabulous. So far I have had:

• 2 vicodin
  
• 4 midrin
  
• 6 imitrex, pills
• 2 imitrex, injections (hooray needles!!!)
• 2 hysterical sobbing fits
• 1 serious discussion in the middle of the night about which hospital I wanted to go to if the last injection + vicodin didn't make me pass out before 5am
• 8 partially functional hours
  
• 40 hours of writhing in incapacitating pain
• 18 years of similarly fun times
  

I'm supposed to fly home to DC tomorrow so this has GOT to be over by 9am at the absolute latest. Stupid worthless body! You just wait till they learn to transplant brains - I'll replace you so damn fast!

Unholy Rage (or, how my computer ended up shattered on the sidewalk)

Everything is conspiring to piss me off today.

I'm going to my 5 year college reunion in October, which I have been excited about for at least 6 months because all my college friends are going and also I went to school in Iowa, where you can get yourself and 5 friends drunk for $20.

So yesterday I decided to go ahead and book the hotel, even though it's over two months away, only to find that there are no more hotels in the right town. Fine, it's a small town, whatever. We'll stay at the next nearest town, 45 minutes away, and make it work somehow. I checked on the prices at the hotel there - $89/night, sweet - and called my friend I'm rooming with to make sure that was ok. I then checked the flight prices and times. I found reasonable flights, at decent times of day, for $275. Fabulous.

But today, oh, foul, unholy day, EVERYTHING is f*d up for NO REASON! The hotel which is absolutely literally in the middle of nowhere shot up by $30/night overnight! And the flights, if they exist at all anymore, appear to have gone up over $100. I question their very existence because I can't seem to book a flight at all, even at the extremely disgusting new prices. I tried through Travelocity, Expedia, Travelocity with a different web browser, and the United site itself, all several times, and nothing works. I can't call anywhere to try to do it over the phone, because I'm full of such bilious rage that I know I won't be able to handle the horrors of being on hold and having some incompetent idiot try to send me to Idaho instead of Iowa.

Plus my computer is being a worthless piece of shit. Everything, every single thing, is taking it FOREVER to do. I click between windows and it's like: "Hmm... I see that she's clicked on something... I wonder why... Could she want to switch to that? Hmm... Well I suppose she could... but let's wait and see, just to be sure... Better safe than sorry... That's what I always say... Oh well, she's clicked again... Fifteen times... I suppose we could switch... But not just now... I'm on my break... Maybe I'll just suddenly go into Hibernate mode instead for a few minutes..."
[screen goes blank]
[angry girl screams in frustration, hurls computer out window]
[computer shatters satisfyingly on pavement]
[screen flickers, just one last time - "Press OK to confirm booking"]
[all goes dark]
Fin.

Greedy Bastards

I had my temp place interview this morning. I was worried about the computer tests since I had to purge all non-essential information from my brain to remember such things as MAD FIFI4. So things like my internal spellcheck, my ability to speak English without sounding drunk, and my childhood memories are all gone now. But I managed to type 1 wpm faster than it said I could on my resume (even with my new Talons of Death - no stress = no nailbiting) and I did fine on their stupid Word/Excel/Powerpoint tests. Great. I'm qualified to do a job that only requires a high school diploma! Woohoo!!!

While I was in there one of the agency ladies was talking to this temp guy about potential assignments and he was like "I'll do anything, but nothing law related - no more paralegal!!" That's what I'm looking for, so that's nice to hear. Not. I wanted to ask him why. Did they tie him up in the basement and beat him with reeds? That's fine with me if they pay me enough. And, for the record, enough would be $15/hr or more. I'd go as low as $12 (yes I know that's pitiful and sad) if they don't physically abuse me.

I know that sounds low, but it's probably as good as, if not better than, what I could make as a lawyer. I'm absolutely disgusted by the starting salaries they're offering at the non-BigFirm jobs around here. Everything I see seems to pay about $40k, sometimes much less! That might be one thing if you're living in, say, small town Iowa, but it's just cruel, heartless, and unrealistic here. Let's explore:

Estimated Taxes, etc. - $10,700 (inc. your $2500 max student loan interest deduction)
Average 1-Bdrm Rent - $14,400
Loan Repayment - $12,000
Public Transportation - $750
-----------------------------
Total - $37,850

So that leaves you $2,150 (just under $180/month) for food, clothing, utilities, health insurance, emergencies, etc. That's obviously a joke, since each of those things alone costs about $180/month. Hmm...do I want to eat ramen noodles in the cold dark, or quietly starve to death with the lights on, which will also allow me to entertain myself by looking at that malignant looking splotch on my arm that I can't afford to have a doctor look at... What the hell are they thinking?

Shoes!!!

Ok now that I've had my soothing show on for half an hour I feel much better. I've also got my trusty JCrew catalog out and am merrily marking all the things I would buy if I had unlimited income, instead of no income.

Has anybody bought JCrew shoes before? I'm looking at these. I haven't bought leather for probably 8 years (for militant vegetarian reasons that I no longer feel militantly about), but I just can't stand to go around having my feet chewed to shreds by Payless vinyl every day anymore, so I intend to buy one pair of work shoes.

In other news, does anybody else still think Commercial Paper every time they write a check now? How long until that goes away? I still find myself in the shower trying to remember the difference between notice and race-notice jurisdictions. Stupid brain! Let it go! It's OVER!

Screeeaaaawww!!!

So help me god if I have to listen to them talk about how that woman had water, vaseline, and a screwdriver ONE MORE TIME I'm going to lose it. It's TIME FOR THE PRICE IS RIGHT!!! Why can they not wait till there is some real news to report to preempt everything with the news??? I do not wish to spend the morning watching the helicopter view of the plane and the man chanting the one thing they know over and over! Gaaa!!!

Note to terrorists: please stop getting caught flying in and out of my airport. I have to fly in and out of there too, and you continually incite the TSA there to do things to me that make me cry.

Temporary Insanity

I've got an appointment to sign up with a temp agency on Thursday, bright and early, at 9am (so as not to interfere with the watching of my show.)

As you already know if you've ever registered as a temp, the process involves spending an hour taking typing tests and talking about your dream job, then weeks go by, and finally, one glorious day, you get a call from your agency asking if you're willing to do light industrial work during the graveyard shift. By that point, you're so sick of eating spaghetti and butter three meals a day you agree, and, to make a long story short, that's why they now call you No Hand McGee.

But anyway, the lure of money is great, and I need to get out of the house to keep me from gnawing on the gingerbread walls all day long, and I'll be much more productive in my real job search if I'm stuck at a desk with nothing to do all day long but compose cover letters. I also love that when you're a temp, they're continually amazed if you show up sober and don't f* things up too bad, plus there's no pressure to learn anyone's name or suck up or anything. It's very relaxing.

Fatty McFatfat

I need to buy jeans. My last pair of serviceable jeans ripped straight across the butt last week, much to my displeasure. Buying jeans is, I think, the thing most likely to make any woman feel fat, misshapen, and alternately murderous and suicidal. Conveniently, the bar exam is probably #2 after pregnancy on the list of Life Events Guaranteed to Make You Overeat and Gain Weight. Fabulous!!!

And so I believe I am going to try to go on a diet. I have never actually gone on a diet before, so the world is my low-calorie oyster. I don't know which strange trendy option to pursue. I'm a vegetarian so I can't really do Atkins, although that doesn't appeal to me very much in any case. Is Scientology a diet? I'm so confused. I need to lose, oh, say, 20lbs by next week (Wednesday at the latest) when I go shopping with my mother (who can probably be conned into buying some things for me - hence the deadline.) Any suggestions?

Bellyflop

Well weeehoo that sucked. I can't imagine why they interviewed me. The ad was not entirely clear about what they were looking for. Turns out they're only looking for someone to do tax litigation, and I would rather be tortured in any number of ways than be a litigator. The second thing out of the guy's mouth was "Do you like to fight?" and I was like "umm..uhh..no?" What the hell kind of question is that. The first thing he asked was how I liked the bar exam. I was like "Oh i'm trying to forget about that" and he was like "Oh? Why?" Umm...I don't know...maybe because it was HORRIBLE. He also asked me what my salary requirements are. I had no idea how to answer that so I said I was hoping for something near the market rate. Anyway, I guess it's good practice or whatever.

On the bright side, I scheduled the interview such that I only missed the first ten minutes of the Price is Right =)

Also, for those of you keeping track, I did not win my trip to Australia but that is ok because I got very drunk on extremely cheap beer and thoroughly enjoyed jumping up and down on the field.

I'm hungry now. Someone come over and cook me lunch.

Wish me luck!

I got an interview! My curse is reversed! It's tomorrow morning at 10am. Hooray!!!

Vampira, Mistress of the Job Search

My Glamour horoscope says that August is my month to get a job. I've been very good today. I applied to three whole jobs before noon, and I haven't been sucked in by the tv yet (although I did have to skip watching the Price is Right, which pains me deeply.) I also had two people look at the cover letter I'm going to use for my mass mailing project, which I hope to get out next Monday, and they think it's fine.

Today is Kangaroo Plate Day so you guys keep your fingers crossed for me. I hate to even think about it, lest I jinx myself, but winning would be so freaking awesome. I've got a 1 in 25 chance.

We're leaving tonight after the game to go to the Cape for two days. I've got to get some self tanner before then. I'm sure we're all a little paler than usual from being chained to our desks all summer, but for me that means I am White As A Ghost. Like glow-in-the-dark, can't-look-in-the-mirror-because-i-have-no-soul, mommy-mommy-what's-wrong-with-that-lady White. So here's hoping I find something that doesn't turn me bright orange (Neutrogena) or just make me look dirty (L'oreal).

More Dreams

It's not over. I had another bar nightmare last night. I dreamed I was writing essays for the longest time and that I had to come back the next day and write more. So I finally finished and was like oh thank god I'm so tired and went home. But when I got there I realized I had two of my test papers with me - not the essays themselves, but the paper I was supposed to write my essays on. I panicked for a whlie about whether I had even written the essays or just hallucinated the whole thing, but decided I did write them, just on the wrong paper. I knew they wouldn't grade something on the wrong paper, especially since we're not even allowed to bring in other paper, so I was flipping out trying to figure out how to get the paper to the graders. For some reason I was unconcerned about getting the essays onto the paper. What I eventually decided was to smuggle them back in wrapped around my legs under my pants and then try to slip them into my essay pile for that day. So I spent the rest of the dream stressing out about sticking them to my legs, getting to the center, waiting in the line, and then trying to casually roll up my pants and haul out contraband in the middle of the test. It was awful.

I think the worst part of these bar nightmares is you get that same life or death feeling you have when you have the dream that you're wrestling with the thing with the teeth and the red eyes that's trying to drag you back under the bed with it. And I can win at the fang/death dream. I can normally beat the crap out of whatever's trying to kill me. There's no beating the bar exam though. It's just such complete awful helplessness. Thank God this will all be over in... um... THREE freaking MONTHS. Ugh!

Mmm...Gore...

I thought it would be nice to have nightmares that didn't involve taking the MBE, so we went to see The Descent last night. It worked, sort of. I didn't dream about scary cave monsters, but I didn't dream about the bar exam either. Woohoo!

I did dream that I was back in college taking some stupid class, and they made me live in a dorm, and the dorm was really gross. It was more like a hostel I guess - we had all these bunk beds and stuff. But I got up one morning to use the communal bathroom and it was just totally nasty and I was like "Omg, that's it, this is ridiculous, I am too old to be living in this kind of filth!" And I spent the rest of the dream marching around to different offices trying to find the right person to complain to. So nice to start dreaming of other things again =)

Back to the movie, if you like scary, gory movies, go see The Descent. However, if you do not like seeing people's insides on the outside, I would not recommend it. I thought it was really good, except for the stupid crappy edited ending. Its such a worthless cop out. If you find out what the original ending was before you go see it like I did, you'll be much happier. To the person who decided Americans need a happy ending at all costs: not cool dude. Not cool.

Boo Hiss to Selfishness

So I don't mean to be a whiny bitch, but the bar exam scraped me raw and every little thing is getting on my nerves in an extreme kind of way:

What the hell is wrong with people who can't write to acknowledge when you send them a present? I'm not talking about a formal, handwritten, Miss Manners style thank you note. I'm talking about a simple acknowledgement email. Or some sort of phone call. Even a voicemail.

I have sent my college best friend/roommate a present for her birthday and christmas every year for the past 5 years and also sometimes stuff I find when I travel or things I see just because. I am invariably forced to call her just to find out whether or not the package even arrived. I don't want to be thanked (although it would be nice), I just want to know that her mailman is not prancing around in the pink feathered high heeled shoes I carefully selected on my trip to Angola. So frustrating! I'm annoyed about this right now because its her birthday tomorrow, and the online tracking thing shows that her package was delivered 2 days ago. She's unemployed and spends all her time sitting at home blogging, so it's not like she can't get to the computer.

In contrast, I have another college friend who is dirt poor who never sends me anything, but she *always* emails when I send her stuff, and she has to walk 2 miles, uphill, through 3 feet of snow (or blazing heat) to get to the computer in the public freaking library to get email access. She also works 2 minimum wage jobs to support herself and her deadbeat husband whose entire paycheck goes to his 5 (five!) illegitimate children. When he's employed at all.

I know I could just stop sending stuff, but I LIKE sending people presents. I like picking them out, and wrapping them, and finding a card, and I even like going to the post office (depending which post office I'm going to - we have a shockingly nice new efficient PO here in the ghetto). I just don't like feeling like I'm dropping the stuff into a big black void where it will never be seen or heard from again.

Apathy

It's a lovely 68 and raining today - HUGE improvement over 98 with Sun the Destroyer for the last three days. Yay! And I got up in time to watch Martha again. Yay! Altough I used an alarm today, so it's cheating.

Career Services lost my appointment yesterday, so my normally nice lady was all rushed because she wasn't expecting me. She was basically like "Oh, don't start really worrying unless it's February and you still don't have a job." Agh! What kind of advice is that! I can't wait until February! I have a mortgage and rent to pay right now! And the first scourge of loans comes due in December! A pox on you woman!

She also told me to network, which makes me so mad I can't write about it today. But she validated (read: unenthusiastically approved of) my targeted mailing idea. In case you didn't know the difference between targeted and mass mailings (I certainly didn't) they both involve sending one cover letter to hundreds of firms, but with the targeted mailing, you only send your "I want to do Family Law" letter to firms that actually do Family Law. Sounds like a no brainer to me, but I guess a lot of people I went to school with didn't have a lot of common sense. I'm not even going to try to start dealing with the horror of that until next week.

I have three jobs I need to try to apply for today but I just can't get myself to care. It seems so pointless. I pull up the posting and my arms turn to lead and I get all tired and just want to go lie down for a few minutes and then all of a sudden it's Friday. I wish I had an intern.

Meh... Whatever. I'll do it after I learn how to juice a pomegranite. And after the Price is Right is over. Maybe.

Tell Us How You Really Feel

I spent yesterday searching for jobs and not finding them and hyperventilating about it, so today I'm going to see my #1 Career Services lady. She's the nice, supportive one who's never actually helped me in any way. I don't imagine this is going to amount to anything. Agh! Doom!

I mean it's not like I want to work. And I certainly don't want to be a lawyer. It's just one of those things you're supposed to do after law school. Just like how even when you know for a fact that you don't want to work for a BigFirm, you still do the lottery when they come to campus. It's not that you want to work for them, but that you want them to want you to work for them. It's like dating. You want to be the one doing the rejecting - you don't want the scary Young Republican with the puffy face who smells like pickled eggs to reject you. That's your job. And it's shocking and crushing to find out that anyone like that could not be interested in you.

So yeah, I would rather die than have billable hours, but firms can't know that. I don't put that in my cover letter. My resume doesn't say "Interests: slacking off, spreading malicious office gossip, and surfing the internet all day." So why the hell isn't anyone interested in me? I think I said before that I suck at interviews, but it's not like I'm blowing my interviews - I'm not getting any interviews and I don't understand why. I went to a top 25 school. I have three Big Firm names on my resume. I have solid, recent work experience in the fields that interest me. I was an editor on a journal and I did moot court for two years. But I literally have not had an interview for 11 months. What's the problem???

I almost feel like I insulted someone at a dinner party once and got blacklisted from the profession, but I've thought about it thoroughly and I can't come up with anything. And obviously now that I've graduated it's only going to get worse because who's going to hire someone who is clearly unemployable, based on the fact that they are not currently employed.

Luckily I don't know anyone who has a job lined up, but that's mainly because I don't know anyone who graduated this year. Of the five people I know from last year, 3 of them are still unemployed and 2 of them are contemplating suicide at Big Firms. This does not give me hope for the future.

If anybody has any advice I'd love to hear it. I have to go scream at the Price is Right. LOWER stupid! LOWER!!!!

It's Contagious

I had another dream about That Which We Must Try To Forget last night, but I don't remember what it was about (yay!). However, Boyfriend also had one! Ha! It's contagious! He's a carpenter, so he dreamed they gave him a canoe that was broken in half and he was supposed to stick it back together and he was like "but I build houses! I don't know anything about canoes!" I'd say that's pretty damn accurate for someone who never took the Awful Thing.

Dirty Unwashed Depressive

I managed to get up in time to watch most of the Price is Right this morning. I'm so proud of myself. Ok not really, but whatever. Now I really feel unemployed! I like how the ads alternate between denture adhesive and antidepressants, since clearly only the elderly and dirty unwashed depressives are at home watching tv at 11am.

It's supposed to be recordbreaking hot here today. It's supposed to be about 100 and feel like 111. I know that's not impressive to those of you who live in, say, Texas, but that's Really Really Hot when you consider we get like 6 feet of snow during our 9 month long winters. We've got two little window a/c's and they're already losing the battle.

On the job front, I guess I'm going to try to send my resume out to some temp agencies today to see if I can get some receptionist/secretarial work. Ugggggh. I mean I actually like that kind of work but it pays so poorly here. It's so unfair. I should have just become a paralegal straight out of college. That's what Boyfriend's little brother is going to try to do and he's going to end up making twice what I make even if I get a lawyer job! How f*'d up is that? Plus the little bugger has *no* debt from college, whereas my debt makes me queasy just thinking about it. And all the paralegal ads are specifically like "No JDs." STUPID WORTHLESS DEGREE!!!

The Joy of Free Stuff

Yesterday I was stuck in traffic and the radio station I was listening to was like "call now - win stuff!" so I called and won stuff! Yay stuff!

I won 4 tickets to a very minor league baseball game, dinner for 2 at Outback Steakhouse (mmm...fried onion), and a "plate." At the game, they're bringing a kangaroo, and they put the plates out in the field and whoever's plate it eats off of wins a trip for 4 to Australia. Fascinating concept, non? But I will not mock them until later because I'd almost rather win that than pass the bar. And by "almost" I mean "totally." I was also promised an opportunity to pat the kangaroo if I show up. I enjoy patting kangaroos:



Even freaky albino ones.

In other news, I bought a new pillow yesterday that was so comfy I accidentally slept for 11 hours again and now I've got a monster headache. I don't blame my pillow though. I'm naming him Pouf Pouf and I will love him forever, or until he goes all limp and useless, in which case he will be mercilessly replaced. Boyfriend is jealous.